So I went to this Metis conference thing. Thinking it was going to be super ass fun, with lots of crafts and funess but NO! it was school in summer, listened to a bunch of lectures, most of them on shit we can't even get started on. I wanted to kick a baby. They were pretty cool in the fact that they wanted to accomodate my Vegan needs but when I had supper the first night they gave me a salad covered in EGGS and then lunch the next day I got nothing. The second day wasn't so bad though because we got to go swimming.

I know someday I will finally see something in myself. I have to. I mean if I have lived this long and have not fallen down deep enough to no return there must be something still out there for me. Something to find. I wish it would hurry up. The worlds getting to hard to stand sometimes. Like always of course and it is the same for everyone. Just because I think I'm going crazy doesn't necessarily mean I am. I talk to myself and argue the good and the bad. Usually ending in the bad. But who's to say many people don't do that. I'm not going to just sit here and pity myself because I definitely do not need it. I have two feet that I seem to stand on pretty firmly and my head is so fucked up. I will be a great artist. Almost all artists are crazy I guess so I'll fit the mold hahaha. Something that I will actually fit into. Fuck maybe it will feel good.

I have stayed at Johns house for the past two weeks. I am falling hard. It feels so good.
My own head is still bugging me however. Telling me it's just a faze soon it will all be
over. He doesn't love me. So on so forth. But I'm not going to listen to my head anymore
my heart is much more wiser.

So the beautiful man that thought I was pretty.
He is my man now. We kiss every spare moment and hold each other til
the sun comes up. Haha I won't go into the other details...they are for me only.
Well since this one is lovely I will tell. All night I was waiting for the rain...
I took him to all of my favorite places, my hill, my sanctuary, and kin coulee.
we ran around the park all night and by 1030 we were in each others arms under my favorite
tree and we made love. I got EATEN by mosquitoes and will probably now get west nile but
I am definitely not complaining. Last night he asked me if it would be all right if he falls
in love with me.
The new days are coming.

There is a beautiful man. He thinks I'm pretty. I don't care that he's a bit older than me, I seem to like them that way. I had a art rebirth in the back of his truck when I was super high one day. Oh man did it make my heart sing. So I told him I would come and draw in the back of it. Today was that glorious day. However this did not get archived. Instead we went for a glorious walk, walk until our feet hurt and then played on the playground and in the rocks. I had a dream about him the other night. Tonight I told him. He had one too. Oh my god did my heart just fall out of my butt? I can't believe I'm this excited. I hope something goes from here